The Lunatic's Cookbook : a Blog of Revelations

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Pat Robertson - Stark, Staring, Mad.

There are times when even we hard-bitten Mental Nurses have to hang our heads in sheer disbelief at the utter insanity of some of our inmates here at Asylum Earth. No… We’re not talking about King George this time. We’re not even talking about Princes Cheney or Rumsfeld. It’s His Holiness Pat Robertson again, I’m afraid.

Clearly he’s been slyly tucking his Thorazine under his tongue and spitting it out when no-one’s looking, and consequently the messianic delusions are overwhelming him again. Maureen, bless her, finds it hard to tell the difference between Pat out of his brain on psycho-actives and Pat in his usual psychotic state.

Last Thursday on his Christian Broadcasting Network’s “The 700 Club” Robertson (aided and abetted by his vain, sycophantic co-host Terry Meeuwsen) was venting his venomous multi-millionaire’s spleen, reacting to a ruling by a federal judge that it was unconstitutional for Cobb County, Georgia, to require the attaching of stickers onto school biology textbooks stating:

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered.”

Clearly unable to cope with the inconvenient reminder that the Founders of the American Constitution had out-of-control arseholes just like Pat Robertson very firmly in mind when they penned the First Amendment to establish a sturdy constitutional wall between Church and State for the protection of the People, Robertson blew several fuses deep inside his tiny mind, and in a feat of diseased mental contortion the likes of which I have never before witnessed, he began to rave:

ROBERTSON: You know, what we have got to recognize just there in this case is that the Evolutionists worship Atheism. I mean, that's their religion. And evolution becomes their religion. It is a matter of religion. So this is an establishment of religion contrary to the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. And the fact that somebody comes along and says, "We are not sure that it's accurate, it's a theory and not a fact" -- how can you say it's a fact? You are talking about 10 to 15 billion years ago. Who was there?

MEEUWSEN: Scientifically, you would think that the scientific
community would rise to the occasion and say, "Absolutely, let's keep an open mind. Let's continue to discover and search."

ROBERTSON: Yeah, well, a lot of scientists are. More and more are. They are saying there are just too many things that can't be explained by evolution. But, I mean, these fanatics, I mean, it is a religion, it is a cult. It is cultish religion, and whenever you start talking about the origins of life, you now get into religious matter, and theirs is just as much religion. The only difference is that even questioning, questioning that -- the ACLU says even if you question our religion, you are guilty of violating the First Amendment. I mean, give me a break.

If you don’t believe me, watch for yourself HERE. Or download the file to keep forever and ever HERE (Quicktime) or HERE (Windows Media)

As you all know, things had just died down nicely since Robertson’s last excruciating outburst on November 11th following the ousting of the entire School Board in Dover, Pennsylvania, which event immediately followed the closing arguments and summing-up in the notorious Intelligent Design court case.

Totally fed up with being made to look like a bunch of village idiots in the eyes of the World by the unhinged evangelical Christian fundamentalists in their midst, the townsfolk of Dover had their revenge by sacking the entire school board and replacing them with more Intelligent, Evolved Humans.

By way of a quick reminder: As you probably understand, American Supremacist Creationism (in ALL it’s miserable disguises) contends that because many things in the biological world are very complicated and, since they can’t yet be fully explained or reproduced in the laboratory by Satan’s Scientists, Life can’t possibly have evolved into such wonderful, adaptive complexity from something so stupid as a very lucky protozoan bacterium hooking up with a primordial virus in a marriage of convenience in some far-gone sulphur pool, eventually progressing into the full awesome glory of the animal kingdom, past, present, and future. Oh, no!

Unable to accept that creatures so marvelous as White Christian Men and their Bitches could ever have been related to something so dirty and as haphazard as a lump of hot pond snot, the vain-glorious Fundamentalists insist that such complexity can only be created directly by God. Not only that, but all life was created as-is in one go, with nothing intermediary between Fuck-All and Adam. It says so, (apparently) in their book of mythologies and barbaric old-wives’ tales.

Lesson over. Back to November 11th:

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson warned residents of Dover, that disaster may strike there because they "voted God out of your city" by ousting school board members who favored teaching intelligent design.

All eight Dover, Pa., school board members up for re-election were defeated Tuesday after trying to introduce "intelligent design" — the belief that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power — as an alternative to the theory of evolution.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected him from your city," Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club."

Robertson issued a statement saying he was simply trying to point out that "our spiritual actions have consequences."

"God is tolerant and loving, but we can't keep sticking our finger in his eye forever," Robertson said. "If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call on Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them."

Robertson made headlines this summer when he called on his daily show for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Original article HERE

In a nutshell (for those of you who have just got back from spending the last year wandering around Antarctica looking for a penguin to kick), the Dover School Board had been hijacked by recidivist fundamentalists who became obsessed with the compulsion to parade badly disguised Creationism as so-called “Intelligent Design” – claiming it to have some kind of scientific basis – and, with the self-righteous pompousness that only Evangelical American Christians can muster, began moves to give Creationism an intellectual parity with Evolution in school biology lessons, initially by having statements read out in biology classes explaining that ID was a viable alternative to Knowledge.

The statement referred Dover’s lucky, lucky students to a notorious book called “Of Pandas and People” (originally titled “Biology and Origins"), many copies of which had been placed in the school library by one of the Board Members and paid for by a local Religious organisation.

In court the guilty Board Member openly lied about who had paid for the books. (Tsk! Tsk! These Observant Christians, eh? Have you ever wondered why “Thou Shall Not Lie” never made it back down the mountain with Moses?)

This book is the entry-level handbook of the Intelligent Design cultists, which had been re-drafted several times in recent years and had all the original references to Creationism and God replaced with the phrase Intelligent Design. As was proved in court, it’s a very dishonest book - but then again most religious material seems to me to be based on nothing more than distortions, fantasy, propaganda and self-serving half-truths. (Offended? Boo Hoo for You!)

Here’s a brief extract from the fascinating court transcript to illustrate the point:

Attorney Eric Rothschild presented evidence to the court that the Foundation for Thought and Ethics had been lying to the IRS, the general public and, was attempting to lie to the court in Harrisburg. Rothschild cross-examines FTE president, Jon Buell:


[Rothschild is confronting Buell with two versions of "Of Pandas and People" - the earlier version was called, "Biology and Origins".]

A [BUELL]... it would be difficult for me to imagine, having achieved something like that that receives accolades from the highest levels of science, and turn around and talk about creation science, and try and publish a track or a book or, you know, some kind of a subterfuge promoting creation science.

Q Actually in this version of the book it describes who creationists are, doesn't it, if you look at pages 23 and 23 and 24. It says there's different types ofcreationist's literature. There are older creationists,younger creationists, agnostic creationists, right?

A Yes. We were trying to give some articulation to the breadth of what that term means.

Q And then if you could turn back to page 22, you explain that "Creation is the theory that various forms oflife began abruptly, with their distinctive features alreadyintact: Fish with fins and scales, birds with feathers andwings, mammals with fur and mammary glands."That's how you defined creation, correct?

A Yes.

Q All right. And I would like to take -- you to take a look at an excerpt from Pandas and People. Turn to page 99 in the excerpt I gave you.

A All right.

Q Says, "Intelligent design means that various forms of life began abruptly through an intelligent agency, with their distinctive features already intact: Fish with fins and scales, birds with feathers, beaks and wings, etcetera."
Do you see that?

A I see it.

Q So that's pretty much the exact same sentence substituting creation for intelligent design, isn't that right?

That fateful decision by the School Board caused science teachers to walk out of their classrooms, because they refused to be a party to what they (and the court) believed to be an unconstitutional act. Eight concerned families had sued the school district over the matter, and today the federal judge gave his ruling:

In his ruling, Judge Jones demolished assertions by members of Dover's former school board, or administrators, that the theory of intelligent design (ID) was based around scientific rather than religious belief.

He accused them of "breathtaking inanity", of lying under oath and of trying to introduce religion into schools through the back door.

The judge said he had determined that ID was not science and "cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents".

In a 139-page written ruling regularly studded with criticism of the defendants' arguments, the judge said: "Our conclusion today is that it is unconstitutional to teach ID as an alternative to evolution in a public school science classroom."

The result was sweeping.

After "countless hours of detailed expert witness presentations," Jones wrote, "the court is confident that no other tribunal in the United States is in a better position than are we to traipse into this controversial area." He said he wanted to avoid "the obvious waste" of other judges' time if he left the issue open.

Jones marshaled detailed evidence on everything from the pain and division in Dover to the unusual history of ID. Witnesses testified they were called atheists and un-Christian for opposing the ID policy. One was told she would go to hell. One said people were afraid to talk to him "because I'm on the wrong side of the fence."

The judge also noted that 150 references to creationism and creationists in Of Pandas and People, a book the board policy recommended to Dover students, were replaced by references to ID after a 1987 Supreme Court ruling that it was unconstitutional to teach creationism, which holds that God created life. That's "compelling evidence," Jones said, that ID is "creationism re-labeled."

John West, an official at the Discovery Institute, a leading proponent of intelligent design, called the opinion "a real overreach by an activist judge who thinks he can stop the spread of a scientific idea through government-imposed censorship." He said the ID movement will progress despite the judge's "delusions of grandeur."

Jones anticipated the attack. In his opinion, he denied being an activist and blamed the outcome on "the activism of an ill-informed faction of the school board." He labeled the board's actions "breathtaking inanity."

Former school board member William Buckingham defended the ID policy. "I'm still waiting for a judge or anyone to show me anywhere in the Constitution where there's a separation of church and state," he told the Associated Press.

Lawyers for the Dover parents said they had struck blows for public schools and religious freedom. With ID activity in more than half the states, they urged school officials to look at what happened in Dover before risking similar consequences.

"The real heroes of this story are the plaintiffs," said Witold Walzcak of the Pennsylvania ACLU. "They stood up against the school board policy. They are very, very courageous."


"We find that the secular purposes claimed by the (school board) amount to a pretext for the (school board's) real purpose, which was to promote religion in the public school classroom, in violation of the Establishment Clause."

"Those who disagree with our holding will likely mark it as the product of an activist judge. This is manifestly not an activist Court. Rather, this case came to us as the result of the activism of an ill-informed faction on a school board. The breathtaking inanity of the (school board's) decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting utter waste of monetary and personal resources."

"The citizens of the Dover area were poorly served by the members of the (school board) who voted for the ID Policy. It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy."

"The overwhelming evidence at trial established that ID is a religious view, a mere re-labeling of creationism, and not a scientific theory."

"The evidence presented in this case demonstrates that ID is not supported by any peer-reviewed research, data or publications."
…not satisfied with this ruling, the whining Fundamentalists clearly will have no qualms about wasting everyone’s time (and probably millions of tax-exempted dollars which should be spent on helping to rehouse black people keft homeless by Hurrican Katrina, or on other acts of Christian Charity) in traipsing their obsessive compulsive disorder all the way to the Supreme Court. Watch this space…


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