The Lunatic's Cookbook : a Blog of Revelations

Friday, January 06, 2006

Pat Robertson : Ariel Sharon only has himself to blame...

I’m so vexed with Beijing Catering Services Inc. over in the American Annexe, I really am! After all that fuss and hoo-hah just before Christmas, I thought I’d had to have a quiet word with Dr. Strangelove at the staff Christmas Party and ask him to arrange for Mrs. Kowalski and her strangely shy Mexican kitchen staff to liberally lace Pat Robertson’s food with Clozapine at every possible opportunity.

Little did I suspect that all the time I was talking to the good Doctor he was actually listening to Napalm Death on his iPod, and subsequently hadn’t heard a single bloody word I’d said. Fool that I am I just thought that all the insanely violent head-nodding was because he agreed with me very, very strongly…

I realized the next day that my message hadn’t got through to Mrs. Kowalski when Pat Robertson was caught in the Visitor’s Centre with those vile little bastards Jerry Falwell and James Dobson. They had somehow managed to corner Mr. Camponelli - who runs the hairdressing concession next to the florists stall - and were trying to demonstrate their Christian Love and Tolerance for his provocative (and therefore homosexual) soul by beating the living crap out of him, using several antique King James Bibles wrapped up in pillow cases.

Laverne pushed the panic button, and two minutes later Karl and the boys from Security rushed in with their Tasers set to ‘Stun’, and after a gratifyingly long bout of genital beating accompanied by the acrid odour of singed pubic hair, peace was finally restored.

As soon as I got back to the Nurse’s Station I sent an urgent email to Mrs. Kowalski about the Clozapine, but she wrote back to say that there were insufficient funds to meet my request as her pharma-food budget had been slashed to pay for the War Effort. The best she could suggest for the Pat Robertson problem was Fudge Brownies made with Ex-Lax. At least that would ensure that most of his shit came out of the correct opening.

The upshot of all this is that Pat’s been quietly slipping back down the slippery slope of manic psychosis, and has been having supernatural intercourse with that rather nasty Imaginary Friend of his again:

Pat Robertson - Sharon punished for dividing Israel

The Rev. Pat Robertson said Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is being punished by God for dividing the Land of Israel. Robertson, speaking on the “700 Club” on Thursday, suggested Sharon, who is currently in an induced coma, and former Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, assassinated by an Israeli extremist in 1995, were being treated with enmity by God for dividing Israel. “He was dividing God’s land,” Robertson said. “And I would say, Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations or the United States of America. God says, This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.”

See Pat in action HERE (Windows Media) or HERE (Quicktime)

Even though (as you all know by now) your dedicated Care Provider Nurse Riches is a 101% unadulterated atheist, I couldn’t help thinking that if their WERE a god (which of course there isn’t), maybe She’d be more likely to want to treat Ariel Sharon with enmity for being… ooh… let’s say… a mass murdering war criminal…

Ariel Sharon - Profile of an Unrepentant War Criminal

(May 17, 2002)

Ariel Sharon, the Prime Minister of Israel, is currently facing possible war crime prosecutions for two massacres that occurred 20 years apart: the September 1982 massacre of Palestinian civilians in the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps in Lebanon, and the April 2002 Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) mass killings in the Jenin refugee camp in the West Bank.

Sharon is, without doubt, guilty of these crimes against humanity, and others. He is also unrepentant. For him, these mass killings are merely necessary steps on the path toward his objective of a "Final Solution" to the "Palestinian problem," through the mass expulsion and/or extermination of the more than 3 million Palestinians and Arabs now living in Israel, the West Bank, the Gaza Strip, and the Golan Heights. Under various labels, Sharon and a rogues gallery of collaborators inside Israel, Britain, and the United States, are now moving toward the final phase of their "mass transfer" plans for the Palestinians and Arabs.


In 1953, Sharon founded "Unit 101," a secret death squad within the IDF that committed several mass murders of civilians. In October 1953, Sharon's "Unit 101" massacred 66 innocent civilians during a cross-border raid into the Jordanian West Bank village of Qibya. Under intense machine-gun fire, local residents were driven into their homes, which were then blown up around them, killing the occupants by burying them alive in piles of rubble. The April 2002 IDF massacre at the Palestinian refugee camp in Jenin was, in fact, modeled on Sharon's "Unit 101" operations at Qibya.

On Oct. 18, 1953, the U.S. State Department issued a bulletin denouncing the Qibya massacre, demanding that those responsible be "brought to account." Instead, Sharon was rewarded for his war crimes by having his "Unit 101" absorbed into the Israeli paratroop corps. By 1956, Sharon had been appointed paratroop brigade commander.

Between Feb. 28, 1955 and Oct. 10, 1956, a Sharon-led paratrooper brigade conducted similar cross-border invasions into Gaza, Egypt, and the West Bank in Jordan. At the West Bank village of Qalqilya, Sharon's death squad killed 83 people.

…and a general, all-round sadistic racist…

Ariel Sharon's Vision - Maximal Killing

And “maximal killing” is what Sharon and his commando unit brought to Qibya on the night of October 14, 1953. Their attack left 70 dead.

The Arab Legion investigated and determined that the Israelis had moved from house to house "systematically killing" the residents before blowing up their homes. This account, Morris says, is corroborated by Israel Defense Forces post-operational reports, which describe breaking into most of the houses and "clearing them" with fire and grenades.

A United Nations report suggests an even more grisly sequence: "Bullet-riddled bodies near the doorways and multiple bullet hits on the doors of the demolished houses," the document says, "indicated that the inhabitants had been forced to remain inside until their homes were blown up over them."

Commander E.H. Hutchison, a U.S. naval officer serving on the U.N. armistice monitoring commission, investigated the slaughter. "Here and there from between the rocks," he wrote, "you could see a tiny hand or foot protruding."


And Qibya was no aberration for Ariel Sharon. A 1985 Israeli biography, Sharon: An Israeli Caesar by Uzi Benziman, describes two earlier incidents in which Sharon honed his murderous instincts.

He killed two women from the Arab village of Katama in order to induce a Jordanian military response. Later, in a raid on the el-Burj refugee camp, his plan called for trapping the Palestinians in a lethal crossfire between two groups of soldiers.

The plan worked: 15 refugees were killed.

Benziman, the biographer, describes Sharon's consistently sadistic behavior toward Arabs: His men "witnessed him laughing as a junior officer tormented an old Arab and then shot him at close range; they noted his composure as he planned operations designed to kill as many civilians as possible; they carried out his intricate plan to trap a peaceful Bedouin boy shepherding his flock."

…who was just about to get well and truly nailed for accepting a $3,000,000 bribe from Austrian millionaire and Jericho casino owner Martin Schlaf in 2003…

Israeli Police Say There´s Evidence Linking Sharon to $3 Million Bribe

(Jan. 4th 2006)

The police say they know of evidence linking PM Ariel Sharon to the receipt of a $3 million bribe. So reported Channel Ten tonight, causing a storm of reaction and calls for Sharon to resign.

The investigation of the money trail to Sharon has been underway for over three years, and in fact was first publicized before the last national election, in 2003. The case is known as the Cyril Kern affair, named for the South African friend of Sharon who served as a conduit for the money. The source of the cash, however, has long been suspected to be Austrian millionaire and Jericho casino owner Martin Schlaf. The police say the money was used partially to help Sharon pay back campaign contributions that he had received illegally in 1999, and partly for the Sharon family's private use.


A live Sharon will have to face prosecution for the Kern-Schlaff bribes, even in Israel's thoroughly corrupt legal system. A dead Sharon will not have to face prosecution. And that would be just fine for the creme de la creme of the country's political leadership.

…and at the very least $690,000 in bribes from corrupt real-estate developer David Appel in January 2004…

Sharon May Face Indictment in Bribe Case

(Jan 21 2004)

David Appel was indicted in the Tel Aviv Magistrates Court for allegedly giving Sharon hundreds of thousands of dollars to promote a tourism project in Greece and also to help rezone urban land near Tel Aviv before and during Sharon's term as prime minister.


The indictment over the scandal - widely known as the "Greek Island Affair" - centers on allegations that Sharon's son Gilad received large sums in his father's behalf from Appel, an activist in Sharon's Likud Party who was trying to promote the project in Greece during 1999. Sharon was then foreign minister and allegedly was asked to use his influence to push forward both projects, although neither came to pass.

Specifically, the indictment said that during 1998-99 Appel "gave Ariel Sharon a bribe in recognition of activities connected to the fulfillment of his public positions."

The indictment said Gilad Sharon, while ostensibly a consultant in the Greek project, served as a middleman in accepting the bribes. "(Appel) and Gilad agreed to this arrangement despite the fact that the defendant knew that Gilad had no relevant professional qualifications," it said.

It said Appel sent a total of $690,000 to Sharon's family ranch in the Negev desert. Appel also promised to support Sharon in party primary elections, the indictment said.


Opposition lawmaker Yossi Sarid said that if cornered, Sharon might use diversionary tactics, with dangerous implications.

"He could complicate the country in military or political adventures," Sarid said. "He could get us caught up in a little war." (Nurses Notes: Such as launching a missile attack on Iran around March 28th, perhaps?)

…which would no doubt have helped that adorable, tubby mass-murderer to pay back all the illegal election campaign contributions and bribes he received back in 1999.

If Ariel Sharon's not already dead by the time I post this, it surely can't be long. I'm sorry for his family that they're going to lose someone they presumably love very much, but that's as far as my sympathy goes. I really can't think of Ariel Sharon without thinking of all the largely defenceless men, women and children his troops have butchered in Palestine during my lifetime. I think of the Peace Activists who have been killed by out-of-control Israeli soldiers, simply because they were there to witness Israeli brutality and report it to the outside world.

The unctuous, mealy-mouthed public statements and pious platitudes gushing from the mouths of the various world leaders last night was quite sickening to witness. I thought Blair and Jack Straw were oily enough, but when I heard George Bush describe Sharon as "A good man", I started to get black spots before my eyes and found it hard to breathe. Hey! We all know the man was a brutal, racist killer. We all know the man was ruthless and callous. Warrior my arse! Ariel Sharon revelled in all the expressions of his own violence. That's not a warrior, that's a mental abberation.

I bet the last wish on his conscious mind will be that he live just long enough to press that big red button to rain death on the Iranians.

By the way: Don't think for one second that anything I've said here excuses for one second the monstrous, murderous atrocities committed by Hamas and the Al A'Qsa Brigades and all the rest of those totally out-of-control criminal gangs who have nothing on their tumescent minds other than revenge and hatred. The Palestinian gangs are at least 40% of the problem as long as they refuse point blank to eschew the bomb for the ballot box and more civilised behaviour.

But... as long as there are all those unresolved questions about possible Israeli involvement in 9/11 to stop the World from being sympathetic to the brutalised, dispossessed Palestinians in their torment, the AIPAC spying scandal in Washington, Sharon's deep, deep corruption and the general stinking, corrupt and parasitic state of Israeli politics (and other countries' dirty complicity), I think we should forget about Ariel Sharon as quickly as everyone forgot that other corrupt ideologue Arrafat, and hope that whoever follows next is less of a sociopath, and who actually has a plan for the future that doesn't continue the brutal suppression and captivity of the Palestinians.

Maybe I'll pop back upstairs and ask Pat Robertson what his "Special" Friend, Bejeebers, would do in this situation... I like to think that Bejeebers would insist on all those United Nations Security Council Resolutions being carried under the real threat of sanctions, embargoes and occupation by UN Peace-Keeping forces. Maybe, just maybe, Bejeebers would want the USA to stop vetoing every single UN Reolution against Israeli brutality just because the US wants to keep a massive military presence in the Middle East because they have it in mind to help themselves to all that precious oil. My Prrrrrrreciousssss...

But Hey! That's just me... and who am I to try and second guess the possible intentions of a non-existent mythological being, anyway?


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